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[27 Aug 2008|11:47am] |
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Dear Paige,
Do you still have my hoodie?
I miss it terribly.
Love,
Jackie
Damn you Jonathan!
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(its the worst feeling)
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| Hello Livejournal. |
[03 Aug 2008|04:25pm] |
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I haven't updated in a really long time.
I thought I'd make a post and let everyone know that I am still alive. haha
The computer I have been using doesn't really like livejournal too much. But for some reason it happened to be nice today and let me use it! Yay for that!
Hopefully someday when I get some spare cash I'll be able to start saving for a new computer. *sigh*
I haven't been up to a whole lot. I don't really like North Carolina at all. In fact, I am missing Arizona terribly. You'd think it'd get easier with time. But the more time that passes...the more my heart aches for home.
I haven't really made any friends here.
I mean, I've met a few people here. But not really anybody who is worthy to be in my presence on a regular basis. hah ;op
But I also did not come here to make friends, although I am lonely every minute...it's for the best that I take this time out for myself.
I'm still struggling to have even the slightest feeling of independence.
Working on getting healthy, while being horribly sick in he mean time.
(Also having to get 3 molars ripped out of my mouth this Wednesday. No need to ask how nervous I am. :o/)
It's been rough. But I'm quite the fighter.
I'm struggling to part with the pessimist side of me. As well as so many other parts of me.
It's been a lot of work. Life moves so fast...but time goes so slow. Sometimes it really starts to drag you down. It's hard to keep your head up. But I'm trying.
Doctors here are also morons.
North Carolina is a LOT slower paced than Arizona. I was surprised. I was hoping that the whole "get better" thing would take a few months. Who knew it'd take so long. Months between appointments is ridiculous. Especially when you're not feeling well inbetween.
In time though. Things will change.
Jonah is getting so big. It's been amazing to watch him grow. We've come across a few problems. Mainly behavior. And adjusting. Taking care of myself and him at the same time has been a real struggle. Some days, I just feel like I can't do it. Others are great. But the inconsistency in that is a real problem.
I've had to kick myself in the ass quite a few times to keep myself up.
Jonah is still not talking. And I get discouraged quite a bit because he's so stubborn. I try to help but it seems it always ends up in a little anger party between us. He's learning though...slowly.
I've also been slacking on the potty training and taking away that god damn bottle! I made excuses. First, he wasn't ready for potty training. Then I let him keep the bottle out of guilt. Because its a comfort thing for him. And he has been through so many big changes. I felt I needed to give him that comfort he wanted to have.
But then it became more of a convenience for me.
If I was up and sick, nauseous or just curled up in a ball dyin on the couch. I gave in to the bottle. Because it put him to bed...and I didn't have to hear him scream for 4 hours straight.
*sigh* No more of that though. As soon as I get my teeth out and am feeling a bit better we're getting everything straight.
My little boy will be 2 on September 17th.
Time surely has flown. And it sure has been a hell of a 2 years! We've been through a ton! I'm so amazed by how quickly he grows, and how much he has learned and how smart he is.
I wish he could stay my little baby forever. :o(
Alright. Time for me to get going. Nap time is over. hah
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(5 | its the worst feeling)
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| Video |
[19 Dec 2007|10:14pm] |
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Heheh. I was sniffing his feet and he was cracking up.
He's so cute. ;o)
...I have no idea where his other sock went, and yeah...he definitely was ready for a diaper change. haha
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(1 | its the worst feeling)
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[21 Nov 2007|02:55pm] |
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Lots of pictures.
Some from Halloween.
And some random.
Then a few videos.
( Read more... )
I can't believe how big my little boy is getting.
I love him so much my heart could explode. :o)
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(5 | its the worst feeling)
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[17 Oct 2007|05:49pm] |
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thankful |
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I was woke up this morning by knocking at the door.
Yay for packages!
I got the most amazing things.
A heroes calendar and poster!
It made my whole day. hehe I was ridiculously excited.
Thank you Chrissy!!!
You are seriously the sweetest girl on the whole planet!
I <3 you. :o)
I took a nice long nap today.
But I'm still tired.
Gabe doesn't really understand that staying up til 3-4am hanging out with him, then having to get up with Jonah is exhausting to me.
I've been so tired lately.
So today, I decided to take a nap. I left the apartment a mess.
And trust me, it's a MESS. Jonah mess + kitten mess. *sigh*
But I don't care. And I didn't cook dinner.
I am being lazy today and it's so nice. ;o)
I need to have more days where I do nothing. I havent done this in forever. But it was needed. hehe
I can't wait for this weekend.
And yay for my birthday tomorrow! :o)
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(1 | its the worst feeling)
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[08 Oct 2007|09:28pm] |
Yaaaay Jonah said night night!
Every night when I go to put him to bed I say "Let's go night night!"
And tonight he was following me into the room whining saying "night niiight night night!"
It's ridiculous how excited that made me. hehe
Ps. Still to this day, for some reason I have dreams every now and then about having milk in my boobs. And in my dreams I always look down to see my shirt wet or something or my boobs leaking. And I get super excited about it. Because in my dreams, it takes place in the present.
It's really strange. And I have absolutely no clue why I have these dreams. It's been a year since I've had my baby.
Maybe it's just because most days I look forward to doing it all over again one day. I have no idea.
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(its the worst feeling)
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[01 Oct 2007|07:00pm] |
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It's almost heroes time motherbitches!
I really want to have sex with that show.
Ps.
Christopher Lamb....I found a Jesus cd in Jonah's toybox today while I was cleaning out old toys. I'm pretty positive it belongs to your mother. ;o)
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(1 | its the worst feeling)
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[26 Sep 2007|07:02pm] |
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What in the hell can I do for my birthday?!
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(3 | its the worst feeling)
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[20 Sep 2007|06:19pm] |
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I really like living in tempe.
I absolutely love that AZ mills is just a few minutes away. Plus every other place you can think of.
And my most favorite place of all. Ikea!
I love being so close to everything. Although it's really hard to not spend money. hehe
I've been sick for weeks now. First some weird virus. Then my throat. Then pink eye. I'm so tired all the time lately. I feel like I'm falling apart. :o( Hopefully I'll feel better soon. I got me some antibiotics. woo!
I talked to my mom today. I missed her. She's so different now. Very arrogant. It's weird talking to her. But she's still my mom ya know?
Jonah is one year old now :o)
His birthday was Monday. The 16th.
We had a bbq on Saturday with just the family. It was pretty nice.
Jonah didn't know what was going on. But he sure did like his toys. hehe
I can't believe how fast this year went by. And it makes me so sad that my baby is getting so big so fast.
He's changed my life so much.
He's so amazing.
I wish he could stay this little forever. Although I look forward to him getting older and getting to do more things with him.
He's so smart and funny. I love it. He's so ahead in so many things.
Except talking. I'm gonna have to talk to his doctor about that tomorrow.
Every once in a while you'll hear him say a word or two out of nowhere. But he will never say it again. And pretty much the only thing he says is dada or daddy.
When he DOES say something else...it sounds really weird coming out. Almost how it would sound when a deaf person talks.
And if I ask him to say it again...he just kinda backs away and gets this embarrassed look and wont say anything at all.
So I dunno. Hopefully soon he'll start picking up on that.
The boy sure does know how to scream though. :o( Ugh.
Um...not too much else going on.
I really like my living situation right now. It's so calm. And I feel so much more like an adult. haha I dont have to do anything I dont want to do. I dont have to answer to anybody. It just feels like MY place. Even though I live with Gabe and Jonny. hehe
It's weird that I actually feel like a MOM now.
Gabe is doing better. A lot better actually. He's trying.
He spends time with Jonah and pays attention to us. He helps out with stuff.
And I cook! That's right...I cook. haha
I make dinner every night. And it's so fun. :o)
I feel like a little house wife. haha
Now all I need is some energy. ;o)
I really want a puppy too. That's the one thing that sucks about living in an apartment. :o\
Anyways. Time to go. I'm tired.
Here are a lot of pictures and a few videos.
( Read more... )
Here are birthday pictures...
( Read more... )
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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[24 Aug 2007|11:38am] |
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September 17th - Jonah's birthday.
October 18th- Jackie's birthday.
...I am excited. :o)
Don't really have plans for either yet. But I'm hoping they are amazing.
Especially MY birthday. bahaha
I've never had a good birthday.
I'm freakin sick.
I thought mom's don't get sick from their kids. >:o(
Maybe I shouldnt have let Jonah's snotty hands touch all over me and let him climb all over me while he was sick. hehe
I felt worse yesterday than I do today though...sofar.
If this is anything like how Jonah was feeling, I feel so bad for him. heh
I'm so bored!
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(2 | its the worst feeling)
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[16 Aug 2007|12:08pm] |
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What a nightmare my life is.
I think what I would really love...is to pack up and leave this state. And leave everything and everyone behind. And just start fresh and forget about my past.
Sounds perfect.
It's amazing how much I've learned to hate human beings over the past few months.
Minus Jonah.
I love that little boy.
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(its the worst feeling)
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[29 Jul 2007|02:01pm] |
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Jonah is big.
I can't believe he'll be 1 in September.
I live with Chris now.
We just watch movies all night and play video games...and pass out early.
That's pretty much all that is goin on in my life.
I'm still so unsure of so many things.
I have a lot of decisions to make.
I just want to be a little kid again.
Whatever.
Here are some damn pictures. ;o)
( Read more... )
Oh yeah. Jonah has bruises on his head because he fell on the concrete outside...and isn't used to the tile in Chris' house.
Good thing my boy is tough. ;o)
This is all.
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(5 | its the worst feeling)
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[08 Jul 2007|01:33pm] |
Ugh.
I swear...every time I go to get updates on baby Kaleb, I get up from my computer sobbing and snotting everywhere. hah
The whole thing just makes me feel so sad, and so angry at people who can't control themselves.
I really do hope he get's better. Looks like he's made a lot of improvement pretty quickly.
I just...could NOT even IMAGINE if that were my child.
That woman is so incredibly strong. Something like that would break me to pieces.
I couldn't imagine ever seeing my baby that way, and the sadness she must feel every day. To miss her son. :o/
It makes me hate myself for all the things I take for granted on a daily bases.
And to think, there are days when Jonah gets on my nerves, or I'm all upset about something stupid. Like Gabe sitting on his ass wherever he is having a good time while I'm sick and taking care of a baby.
I should just be grateful that my son is alive and healthy.
Bleh.
Oh...if you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about this.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=34091583
You know what I think is dumb though? Is that while people are sending them all kinds of things for Kaleb...he's not going to even be able to use it. I mean stuffed animals, toys...stuff like that.
I'm not saying these people are stupid, obviously they mean well...and the family also probably appreciates everything they have received.
But wouldn't people think a little bit more and send them money?
Cuz I mean, those medical bills are going to add up. And it'll probably be hard and expensive to raise a child with special needs.
That should be the first thing people think of. If they're going to do anything.
It just confuses me is all. *shrug*
I must go make ramen now. Having no food sucks.
And isn't quick drying nail polish supposed to dry quick?
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(14 | its the worst feeling)
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[02 Jul 2007|11:58pm] |
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I can't remember what pictures I posted last of my monster.
I think they were the ones of him playing in the sprinkler? I dunno.
I need to get my butt moving on sending Gabe's mom new pictures. It's so time consuming.
I'm feeling a bit better. Still feel like I'm going nuts at times. But I don't think that will change until I learn how to deal with all of this stress better and can learn how to relax. I can't even think straight half the time.
I feel better about the whole Gabe situation. Surprisingly I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be about not being with him. Just more confused and a little hurt that I couldn't have the family I had wanted and deserved because of him. That's what bugs me the most.
And it's really hard seeing him now. It's weird to be practically married to someone. Then seeing them and not being together or anything. It just feels confusing. Maybe it's too early for seeing each other. But with my situation, he's the only one obligated to help me out with things that have to do with Jonah.
We went to go find shoes for him today, finally. I've been wanting to put shoes on his feet since he started walking. But I could never find any to fit his fat little feet.
We ended up finding some at Stride Rite. But they didn't have his size in the sandal I wanted, so gabe has to pick them up in Chandler tomorrow. Ugh.
I'm not too thrilled with paying $48 for a pair of shoes he'll outgrow really soon. But I can't find anything else that fits his feet!
He's already been walking like a month without shoes. So he did NOT want these on his feet. But he caught on really quick.
I'm just glad I finally found some that can strap closed. ;op
I've been teaching Jonah how to put his toys away. Not really what you think. ;op haha I'm not trying to make my 9 month old clean or anything. But he likes to take ALL his toys out...which you will probably see in pictures later. So I thought...why not try to show him how to put em back? He doesn't do it all the time, it's like a fun little game to him. But at the same time, I love it. haha
I usually always have my phone on silent and near me. And I usually have Jonah near me too. The other night my phone went missing and I was looking ALL over for it. And I knew Jonah had taken it. And so I was like "Jonah where's mommy's phone?? Help mommy find her phone!" Of course he wasn't going to answer me or anything. haha But he just stood there looking at me and giggling. An hour later I found it, in his toy box. hah I probably should have looked there first. ;op
He's cute. And so big now. Me and megan took the kids to arrowhead to play. And he loved it. He was so happy to be around other kids. Which made me super happy. But it makes me really scared since I'm not vaccinating. Which leads me to..his appointment on the 11th. I am dreading having to see his asshole doctor. He has yet to hear me say that I'm delaying. Because we always got lucky and got to see the other pediatricians in the office. But Jonah's actual pediatrician hadn't been there those times. And he is a very loud, stuborn and pushy man.
I'm not looking forward to fighting with that asshole. He always makes me feel stupid. I'm really wanting to switch doctors but I have been having a hard time finding one. So I think if I have any problems with him next week, I'm just going to not go back there again.
I wish he would just understand and respect that Jonah is MY child and it's MY decision and not his.
This is getting long so I'm going to stop making it any longer than it needs to be.
I'm looking forward to taking Jonah to see fireworks. :o) I just hope he's not scared.
I hope you all have a fun 4th of July. :o)
And here's pics n' shit.
( Read more... )
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(4 | its the worst feeling)
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[13 May 2007|06:48pm] |
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Oh my jesus I am never staying up again til 6 in the morning.
Unless for some crazy reason I don't have Jonah the next day and have the opportunity to sleep the whole next day. hehe Which won't ever happen. ;o)
I'm not used to staying up so late. So I think I'm dying. Hopefully my monster wants to call it an early night.
I think...no, I WAS the only sober person here last night. haha
But I was so damn tired I don't think I even needed to drink.
Last night was fun.
And Chris...I have some awesome pictures of you. ;o)
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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| Peektures |
[12 May 2007|02:19pm] |
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I love taking pictures with Jonah.
He makes me laugh.
I don't even have to make him smile for the camera.
Any time I take out my camera to take a picture of him he always smiles real big and then stops once the picture is taken. hehe
The kid should be a model. haha
Ah I love him.
Fuck cuts. I don't have time for that crap. Deal with it. ;o)
I got my tooth started on a couple days ago. Hurt like a bitch. I have to get it finished soon. Paige really got me interested in heading over the border to get my teeth fixed. $300 sounds a lot better than $2000. ;o)
Um...I haven't been feeling well lately. Whoa-flash backs of the beginning of my pregnancy last year. Ugh. It must be stress mixed with the tons of antibiotics I've been taking lately. Yuck. That, and theres absolutely no food here. I went to Safeway last night with Gabe and we got a bunch of those $1 TV dinners that are real disgusting. hehe Whatever, food is food. I lost some weight this month thanks to not having food in my house. My dad sees me every day and HE noticed I lost weight. Hopefully soon we can get some grub in this place so I can gain a few lbs. I'm sick of feeling like death.
Yeah that's it. Not interesting. Bye.
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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[06 May 2007|06:15pm] |
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*sigh* It's been one hell of a week.
Time to begin a new one. ;o)
My mom wired me $140 to get my tooth started on Thursday so that I won't be in so much pain.
Speaking of pain. I quit taking my pain killers. I was taking them every 4 hours as told to do, and I really needed it. However yesterday morning, I took my pain killers...yesterday afternoon I was still in pain, but I could handle it so I didn't take it. And I ended up feeling shakey and irritable and nauseous. Kinda how I used to feel if I didn't smoke. So I quit taking the pain killers. hah
Um, nothing else is new. My dad's back from New Jersey. He was there a week for work.
Uhhh...Once again I clean the house spotless and it is dirty again the same night. Figures. It's driving me nuts!
And that's about it.
Jonah is still amazing as always.
Yeah...that really is it. I really do have a boring life. ;o)
And I wish someone would teach me how to be pretty again. I let myself go when I got pregnant, and now I feel like I'm stupid when it comes to trying to make myself decent. It just doesnt work anymore. :o/ I just want to feel like a girl again!
Anyways...here are some pictures of the babe.
I'm not in any of them of course. That's what happens when you're the photographer. ;o) But I did take some pictures of Gabe with Jonah. I have so many pictures of Jonah alone. But hardly any of him with his dad. And very few of Jonah and me.
I'll have to change that. But the whole not being able to get pretty thing is making me not want any pics taken. ;o)
By the way, the date was way off on my camera on most of them. I forgot to reset it.
( Read more... )
And...This is what I wake up to every morning. He's my alarm clock. ;o)
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(13 | its the worst feeling)
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[22 Apr 2007|04:13pm] |
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Jonah has been standing up in his crib by himself all day today.
This doesn't make me happy.
Especially since he fell over and busted his head on the side of the wood crib.
I think my heart almost stopped.
Atleast he's ok. Hopefully no trips to the hospital any time soon or stitches. ick
My kids a nut. He crawls all over the place and hits his head on stuff or decides to let himself fall backwards on the tile and doesn't even cry at all. He's one tough kid. Cuz if that were me...I'd be crying. ;o)
I'm thinking about getting him one of those little baby helmets. Because no matter how much I watch him, I'm never going to be able to stop every single fall or bump on his head.
*sigh*
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(4 | its the worst feeling)
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[01 Apr 2007|07:29pm] |
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Why is it that it's impossible for me to cry no matter how sad I am.
And stupid extreme home makeover makes me cry like a girl.
hehe
This show is ridiculous! Why must they make it so sad/happy?
Jonah has Croup. We spent yesterday morning at the hospital. Fun stuff. Of course once we got there Jonah was all kinds of happy and playing with the nurses and doctors and I had a hard time convincing them that he really was sick. heh We didnt sleep the whole night before.
But. He is much better today. They gave em some steroids to stop his little seal cough. hehe It helped a lot.
However those two bottom teeth that are coming in...are making me wish that he would just sleep all day and night.
I've been talking to my mom. She's still the same ridiculous Fran. I was all set on leaving until talking to her. Everything has to be negative and hateful and very dramatic. She was real interested in causing problems with my dad and with Gabe. And I'm not, that's one of the reasons I wanted to leave here. Now I'm wondering if it's even a good idea for me to be in the same place as her. She asked me about Jonah. Then had to be real negative about my parenting choices.
Apparently I should have started Jonah on solids when he was 4 months. And I'm not giving him enough solids.
I waited because he was clearly not ready for solids. And I'm only giving him half a jar because that's all he wants and I'm not going to force feed him. She also thinks I'm dumb because I'm doing one food at a time. Which to her is absolutely ridiculous and he should be having everything at once. Supposedly I'm going to turn him into a picky eater...and food allergies are just make believe. hah!
Then she was mad that I decided to delay his vaccinations.
This somehow makes me a horrible mother...and an idiot because I "read too much". And it doesn't matter what I want and I have to go by what the government says.
Ugh. I could go on forever.
She just irritates me.
Now I really just don't know what I'm gonna do.
But I suppose everything will have to just work itself out.
I'm really bored.
Friends? Where are you be?
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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[23 Mar 2007|05:35pm] |
Uh oh.
Jonah learned how to crawl.
I was real excited for a few minutes.
Until I realized how not fun it is to have a mobile baby.
hehe
He's getting into EVERYTHING.
I hope the kid never walks.
juuust kidding. ;o)
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(2 | its the worst feeling)
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[23 Mar 2007|12:04pm] |
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 sick |
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Yay for throat aids!
My doctor was mad at me because I waited a week to be seen.
So I've been goin around with strep throat all week.
No wonder I've been deathly sick all week and couldn't get better. ;o)
She shouldn't be mad at me though.
My family didn't feel I was important enough to make time to take me to the doctor.
So I had to wait til my dad's day off.
And I did go to urgent care on Wednesday. So she can be mad at them too.
Since I went in there at 8am when they opened. 3rd person there...and had to watch 20+ mexicans who couldnt speak english come and go before me. Until 2 hours later when I got so mad that I just went home and made a doctors appointment.
Because I had to get home to Jonah since my little brother "doesn't do diapers". *sigh*
I also have the worst splinter you'd ever see.
Fucking splinter went underneath the nail of my middle finger and is half way through. You can see it under my nail. It's so gross.
Unfortunately it's too deep in there and in there so tight that no one can take it out. I tried even being tough and trying to stick a needle under it to take it out. Nope. Nothing worked.
So I get to sit here with a dying finger until it decides to come out and hope it doesn't get infected. Boo.
So if you've seen me in the past week.
Have fun dying! ;o) bahahah
J/k. sorry :o/
I'm too old to play pacman.
I swear that game is going to give me a heart attack.
They should give pacman some turbo speed or some shit.
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(4 | its the worst feeling)
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| Jesus christ! |
[20 Mar 2007|10:25am] |
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Having to deal with either a boyfriends ex.
Or an ex's girlfriend is absolutely ridiculous.
I can't count the number of times I've had to deal with it.
It'd be nice to just be left alone. ;o)
Apparently I can't get over my ex. Which I was never aware of myself.
And I am hated because this person has heard "stories" about me from people who don't know me. hehe
I feel embarrassed for this girl.
But whatever. I'm hoping she can just shut her trap now and leave me and my family alone.
But she seems like too much of a bitch to do that.
And she has said idiotic shit about my son on more than one occasion.
Who the hell talks shit about innocent babies??
Whatever.
The first chance I get to move out of this state I am taking it.
There are way too many made up stories about me by "fake" friends.
I think there are only a couple people who actually know me.
I like it better that way.
And now I can just laugh at the people who talk shit about me because they've believed someone elses bullshit lies.
I love hearing the made up crazy stories about myself.
The only time I've ever been unstable was when I had an ex constantly playing with my head and intentionally trying to fuck me up. Which I really don't think anyone REALLY knows anything about that. Or the details of what went on.
As for my anxiety. If I'm considered crazy for that then whatever. People are obviously very retarded.
But really. I don't really feel too embarrassed about the fact that I can appreciate life more than most people can...that I can respect people. And that I don't drink my life away like most people here. Oh...and that I don't find it necessary to drown myself in drama because my life is just THAT boring.
*sigh*
Alright. With that all said. I'm over it now.
I just want to be left alone so I can continue living my life without morons in it.
Oh yeah. And being sick sucks.
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(4 | its the worst feeling)
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[18 Mar 2007|09:47am] |
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Aw. My baby turned 6 months yesterday. :o)
He's so big.
I love this boy.
Here's some recent pics.
( Read more... )
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(7 | its the worst feeling)
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[01 Mar 2007|05:54pm] |
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Pregnancyline.com
"So discover your options now. It's free and confidential"
I've seen the commercial for this site many many times.
And every time I see it...I get furious.
Yeah...because killing babies because you were a god damn idiot and decided to have unprotected sex and let yourself get pregnant...KNOWING the risk, is a-ok.
It's alright...that's what abortion is for!
Get knocked up and don't need or want a baby? Just call this number and we'll kill your baby for you and we won't tell anyone. Because it is your best option.
If you DON'T want a baby...either don't do the sex...or use protection.
Because sex=babies.
Fucking idiots.
>:o(
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(4 | its the worst feeling)
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[28 Jan 2007|02:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
Is it ok to be obsessed with my baby?
Hehe He just gets cuter and cuter to me every day.
And more fun...and more bratty. ;o) hehe
I always think that I can't have anyone babysit him cuz he'd be too much of a brat for them.
But he always is really good with other people.
I think he just hates me. hehe
Also, The days that Gabe works...Jonah is HORRIBLE for me.
And when Gabe is here...he's so good. It drives me crazy.
Cuz by the time he gets off work...I'm all irritated from the day I had. And he thinks I'm dumb and that Jonah is easy. Psh.
Whyyyy does my kid do this to me. Gabe just likes to say that Jonah likes him better. Yeeeah.
I'm really bored. Thought I'd upload some pics.
( These are my favorite pics of Jonah and I. :o) )
( A few random. )
And of course...( A couple videos. )
Ok thats all.
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(11 | its the worst feeling)
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| Yaaaaaay |
[21 Jan 2007|05:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
I am a giant nerd.
It SNOWED!!!! IN PHOENIX!
It's only snowed here twice in the past 22 years that I know of.
But it was never as much as this.
I hope you guys got to see it!!
Sorry Jonny. ;o)
It was amazing! It was so much here! And for 5 or 10 minutes before it turned into rain.
I tried to get pictures and on video. But it didn't pick up shit. :o(
But you can see it a little! hehe
( Read more... )
I'm kinda scared though.
Since when does it snow in Phoenix HELL.
I don't care. It was still an amazing thing to see.
It's rare to see this shit here.
Ok. heres the video.
Don't mind me being a tard.
I was way overly excited about this. hehe
Also, it was FREEZING cold outside.
( Read more... )
That's all. hehe
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(3 | its the worst feeling)
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[18 Jan 2007|02:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
Jonah turned 4 months old yesterday.
Got his shots and all. Wasn't too bad this time.
He's now 18lbs 9oz. heh The boy likes to eat.
I love my little monster so much.
He's so adorable, and just keeps getting cuter every day.
He now laughs every time I do. And then I end up laughing because he is.
So we both just laugh forever. haha
( Read more... )
Things here still suck.
Still trying to work on school.
Still haven't gotten my blood taken.
E-mail fights with my mom. I wish she'd just shut up and disappear like she said she would.
Me and Gabe still fight like crazy.
We can't afford the rent and all the other bills here.
And my dad has cancer and is gonna have to go through chemo and all that crap...and get his bladder removed.
Um...lots more. Buuut I don't feel like typing.
I need a break.
Gabes birthday is this week. He turns 20. hah I still can't get over that. ;o) I can't do anything for him. But I'd like to. I think he deserves a break also. I'm pretty sure we'll both be asleep by 10 as usual.
Uuum, yeah. I guess that's it for now. ;o)
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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[14 Jan 2007|03:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
I wish I had time for the internet.
In fact, I wish I had time for anything.
I love Jonah.
But sometimes I wish I had a life and wasn't so lonely.
I'm in need of friends.
Too bad I don't have any real ones.
I've been way depressed lately.
And it's funny cuz it's not cuz my mother that I've seen every day for the last 22 years packed up her bags, and left our family forever.
But because I am lonely.
I wish I could blame that on the fact that I'm a mother now.
But really, it's always been that way.
The only difference now is that Jonah takes up a good part of my days.
But on the 3 days that Gabe has off and I'm able to do something for a little bit...
I find myself doing absolutely nothing...or bitching and crying and complaining that Gabe is here and I STILL have to do everything and can't do a damn thing for myself.
My self esteem is gone. But that is due to other things.
For some reason I had thought that parenting was supposed to be 50/50. I guess I was wrong and it actually is 90/10.
It'd just be nice to finally feel like a human being and feel like I exist.
And not be bored out of my mind and lonely and hating my life.
Blah blah blah Life doesn't change. Well I guess it does...it just turns into a new kind of shitty.
Gabe thought it'd be a good idea to watch The Last Kiss last night.
Bahaha I'm STILL angry today from seeing that movie.
I'm mad at Zach Braff. I think I'll be on a Scrubs strike for the next week or so. ;o)
I like how afterwards Gabe was confused why I was mad. "It's a damn movie Jackie". Well yes, it was a movie. However...that was the exact same thing that was done to me. Except...the guy in the movie wasn't as much of an asshole to his girlfriend as Gabe was to me.
Hah. Leave it to me to get pissed off by a movie.
I need to get rid of Harley and Indy. I have no time to take care of them anymore and I feel so drained everyday...it's too exhausting. I wish finding homes for animals was easy. Too bad I can't just throw em over the fence in someones backyard. hehe
My house is a mess. Some days I spend hours cleaning my ass off. Only for it to get dirty by the end of the day. It makes me furious and really upset. I can't stand living with 4 guys who don't do shit. I'm tired of being the only gine. I need female friends that I see regularly that actually have time for me.
I'm done bitching. I have a headache. Hopefully I can take a short nap before Jonah wakes up.
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(1 | its the worst feeling)
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|
[04 Jan 2007|11:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
Not a whole lot going on I guess.
Christmas sucked.
We didn't have money or anything since my mom left us. And everyone worked that day except Gabe. So we didn't do anything. We didn't even put a tree up or get Jonah anything.
I'm sad that I didn't get pictures of his first christmas...but there really wasn't one. :o/
Yeah my mom decided she's not coming back. Her flight was for the 31st and she didn't show.
Whatever.
I don't have a mom anymore.
I plan on e-mailing my uncle to tell him that if my mom thinks that she can do this shit and leave us here trying to make it on our own and screwing us over...then trying to talk to us when she feels like it...not gonna happen.
I wont ever talk to her or see her again in my life...and I will never mention her to Jonah.
Bitch.
Gabe is still here.
We fight a ton.
But what's new?
Jonah just fell asleep in his jumper. Hah. I took pictures but I cant find my cord. Oh well.
Didn't do anything for new years either.
Trying to help Gabe get a car.
I'm trying to finish school.
I got my gine pierced yesterday. I wanted to get just the hood. Guy told me a triangle would be better.
Mother fucker...that shit hurt worse than having Jonah.
I seriously screamed. But it's pretty painless afterwards.
Thanks for going with me Megan. I know you were all kinds of happy to look at my gine. ;o) hehe
And now.
I guess I'll just upload all the pictures I've taken over the weeks.
There are a lot. ;o)
( Peektures )
And that is all.
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(7 | its the worst feeling)
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[21 Dec 2006|06:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dirty |
] |
Weird. Why is LJ being gay?
Oh well.
I can't type much. Jonah is being a caca today.
But here are his walmart pictures. hehe
( Months 1-3 )
The End.
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(7 | its the worst feeling)
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[11 Dec 2006|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
busy |
] |
Man life is weird.
Atleast I'm not as tired anymore. :o)
I'm really sick of appointments though.
I missed my last doctors appointment...so I go this wednesday *hopefully* to get myself checked out. IF my doctor decides to be nice and work with me and talk to me.
Jonah's gettin biiig.
He's in 6 month clothes now. hah
He'll be 3 months next Sunday. :o)
He's sooooo cute now.
He just smiles all the time and talks at me.
I don't like that he gets sooo fussy now when he's tired. Nothing will make the boy sleep.
I never understand that about babies. Life isn't THAT exciting.
If you're tired...GO TO SLEEP! hahah
Um..
Gabe moved back in this weekend.
I wish I would have took more time to think about that one. That wasn't even planned.
Thursday night I think, I ended up getting a migraine. I asked Gabe if he would stay the night and take care of the baby so I could sleep for the night and hope i felt better in the morning, and he actually said ok.
So a guy at his new job offered to let him move in to his apt. with him in Tempe. Which I wasn't happy about because that is TOO far. His kid is over here. I didn't know what I was gonna do if I needed something.
So he was supposed to move in with him Saturday...Jen, the woman he's living with now, I guess wanted him out on Friday. So he asked to stay here.
Then my mom talked to him about moving back in here.
So I weighed the pros and cons. There were more cons than pros. ;o)
But anyways...I guess he's staying here. We'll see how long that lasts.
It's SO nice having him here to help out with Jonah.
2 nights, I sleep on the couch...he sleeps in my room with Jonah. And then we switch every 2 nights. And on the weekends we both take care of him.
But we got into a HUGE fight yesterday.
I went to get Jonah's picture taken at walmart like I do every month.
And this time the pictures were sooo cute. So I ordered 4 more different poses. ANd it was $75. hah!
And he was just yelling at me in walmart..in the parking lot. And I was just bawling. hah I was so embarrassed. I was more mad that he wouldn't shut the fuck up and talk to me like an adult and was screaming at me as loud as he could in front of Jonah..AND everyone else. People were just staring.
I don't think I've ever been so mad.
He was mad that I didn't talk to him before I spent the money.
However, he was being a total dick while I was getting his pictures taken. And the photographer was just like "sheesh...someones in a bad mood". hah And every time I called him he'd get all pissed and wouldn't come. So...I just did it on my own.
It was the FIRST time I'd ever done something like that and just spent money without thinking. Big deal. I already had said I'd made a mistake. But it was worth it.
So he tried to prove a point and went to babiesrus and spent $90 on baby clothes.
Not really proving anything. That's his money. And Jonah needed it. So whatever. ;o)
He apologized though. Apologies from him really mean nothing.
But as long as he can continue to act somewhat decent then I'm alright.
My mom leaves for NC next weekend.
I have a feeling she's not coming back. And that's why she talked to Gabe about moving back in. ;o) hmmm
Alright. I gotta get this room and house cleaned up while Jonah is napping.
But first I'll leave you some videos of my monster.
I'll have to start posting his walmart pictures. haha
( Video time )
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(3 | its the worst feeling)
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|
[02 Dec 2006|08:54pm] |
Bah. I hate trying to sell puppies.
But I love my baby.
( Read more... )
I'm so TIRED!
I feel weird lately too. Like I'm pregnant again. (I promise I'm not. You kinda need to have sex for that) But...maybe baby Jesus?? ;o) haha J/k
No, but really...it sucks.
Maybe it's the weather making my body crazy. Who knows.
Life is still the same.
I am still busy.
I miss my friends.
This is all. :o)
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(6 | its the worst feeling)
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[22 Nov 2006|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
Yay pictures.
Jonah went for his 2 month check up.
Got his shots.
Is running a little fever and is super fussy.
I'm tired.
But I decided to post more pics of my love. ;o)
( Jonah )
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(10 | its the worst feeling)
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